If she dies, God forbid, or if she is divorced from him, marriage will be then allowed between this man and any of the unmarried sisters of his ex-wife. If not, why? 110. If so, what are their names, sex, and ages? If the woman genuinely needs advice related to sexual matters, she can speak or ask in a general sense without making it specific to herself. 184. 64. What do you expect your relationship to be like with the family of your spouse? If the wife desires a divorce, and has to initiate khula, would the husband grant it with ease? However it is worth considering that all of these elaborations on spousal obedience happened after the time of the Prophet and so there is some involvement of the author's cultural views. If so, what if your spouse is not? Do you believe in Islamic schools for your children? Anyone can get married in Islam, as long as they meet the correct requirements and obligatory conditions. Are you volunteering in any Islamic or other activities? 8. 69. If the husband falls on hard times, and needs assistance to support the home, do you feel the wife should help, or should he rely on his family to help? To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children? 123. Is there any hint that this person might have difficulty with emotional commitment to a relationship? Chances of Moving and Living Abroad After Marriage: (8 Questions). What if it is one person, verses a married couple? What are the three most important requirements you look for in a potential spouse? 100. 96. How would you gain legal status there? From a jurisrpudential viewpoint, the main topic for obedience that is described is with respect to fulfilling the responsibility of the spousal bed, and anything else directly related to that. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends? Do they only want you to marry someone someone of the same ethnicity or nationality? Do you feel like this man is your soulmate and you will be losing out on a big opportunity in life if you pass up on this marriage? 36. 174. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations? If he's still reluctant, then neither he nor you should waste any more of your time. If you have children, and get divorced, would the wife be allowed to keep custody if she remarried? 46. 85. 34. 195. 68. Who will live where, as well as the children if your spouse wants to move back to their country? Or live together? What are the education levels of your family members? Do you like to have guests in your home for entertainment? Do you plan to quit? What are your career goals (realistic and achievable)? 29. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future? What is the level of your relationship with them currently? Explain why for all reasons. 89. her real brother , real uncle, real father, father in law, her son and son in law. Are you seeking only an Islamic Marriage, or civil, or both? 13. Under what pretense? But he did an Istikhara from a scholar and it came out negative. With your family? 129. 108. 148. 98. 128. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused? If not, why? What is your concept of an Islamic marriage? 179. What is the legal agreement for support and residence for them for you, verses their other parent? So this is already out of the question. Do you believe in public schools for your children? 79. Who are your friends? Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any resulting biological or adopted children and affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage). 27. 16. 149. What are the three most important requirements you look for in a potential spouse? If you don’t currently have a home for when you marry, when/where will you get one? What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslim community in your area? However, if someone has a girlfriend, they are at least demonstrating the emotional and personal maturity to invest in a relationship. 90. Do you believe in abortion in your family? 115. If you live apart from each other in different countries, and the other fails to provide support for the children, how would the situation be addressed? What do you expect the relationship between your spouse and your family to be like? What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates and friends? What are your expectations of marriage? Why prostitutes instead of a girlfriend? What is your concept of an Islamic marriage? Have you ever performed Ummrah or Hajj? I have come to feel that this is one way where Islamic teachings are adaptable to a variety of ways of living and aren't wholly specific. If your family mistreats your spouse in a matter, how would you handle the situation? 56. 131. 106. 162. If no, explain why you would disagree on it. 73. So, be responsible in your journey to married life. 158. Do you feel that both the husband and wife should share in household chores? What is the best method of raising children? Under what circumstances? 159. 74. 169. 173. 171. And Why? I would say that although this is something confidential, and personal, for you to completely dismiss it and go ahead with the marriage, such a decision might have negative repercussions. If your spouse has children from a previous marriage, and their spouse doesn’t permit their children to move abroad, how would you manage this situation? Additional Advice: Have both parties answer these questions in writing, so that you can both rely back to it in the future if one does/says something different. I would also recommend that the bride and groom learn their lines, and read about the process for the Islamic marriage contract, so they are aware of the procedure. We all know that people can be very deceiving to achieve whatever goals they have. 22. 152. Do you pray Tarawih during Ramadan? 31. In my experience, in practice, marriages tend to fit into two models - a "master-slave" model (where one person commands and the other obeys) and a partnership model (where the two work together and discuss things mutually). Explain why for all reasons. What is your relationship with your family like? 193. Who will take ownership of the home? What is your view of the role of a husband? 76. Where do your family members currently live ( city, country)? With prayers for your success. 168. 40.What are your goals in life? 83. 43. 30. 165. How do you expect your spouse to express anger? 180. How much support, and what methods will be provided for the wife and for how long? Do you support the idea of a working wife? Islam forbids the forced marriages and also warns parents those who opposing marriages for un-Islamic reasons such as for wealth, race, nationality, beauty and status. Life is short, don’t waste time with those that won’t match up with your wants and expectations. How would you describe your personal financial status? (That is, if it weren't a concern to you, you wouldn't ask; inside, you already know what you should do but may be second-guessing yourself.). 140. It is still haram for him to see her without hijab, or look at her with lust, or shake her hand, or be alone with her, and so on. Do you smoke? When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage? 103. This is a view that all our jurists have. If you are a male, are you willing and able to provide the cost of the international visit for your spouse and children to visit their families? 124. 170. Long term and short term plans. Mahram is the person who is permanently forbidden for marriage with her under any circumstance for life e.g. If not, why? How would you feel if he continued this during your marriage? Her sister's husband is not Mahram at all and must observe full Hijab in front of him like any other non Mahram man. How can you protect that right? Also, some women might feel insecure about the possibility of being compared to a professional sex worker. 6. If you have non-Muslim family members, how do you manage the non-Muslim holidays? What city, state, country do you CURRENTLY LIVE in? 182. (Leave children with other parent, or would you stay in that country). Are you seeking only an Islamic Marriage, or civil, or both? 67. What are the professions of your family members? 75. My wife believes that her sister's husband is her Mahram on the basis that the Quran says that a man cannot marry the sister of his wife. 117. If I get to know before marriage that the person with whom I am going to be married has slept with prostitutes and I am the only one who knows it, should I get married to him or not? Are there any conditions (if you are male) that you would have on your wife, for her to be ale to work? Your wife has misunderstood the Islamic rule in this matter. How much Qur’an do you have memorized? How did you get to know them, and how long have you known them? 21. 25. 121. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds? If so, by whom? 175. If you have children, and get divorced, would the husband be allowed to keep custody if he remarried? Are you willing to be tested for STDs before marriage? 23. What is the expectations or limitations on whom your parents will accept for you to marry? 176. How long do you expect to achieve those goals? 145. 198. 160. Of course it happens and I am not saying it is your fault personally, as usually it is the fault of society, but I am just saying it is not a healthy situation. 78. The first question is why did he do an Istikharah if he is absolutely convinced on wanting to marry you? What if the ex doesn’t provide support, what would you do? However, this is general advice, not related to one's lineage. What is the procedure to correctly perform Nikah over the phone? If after negotiation, and intervention from family and elders to convince the father, he is still adamant about his refusal, and it is unwarranted, that is when it would be advisable to involve your scholar. 109. 107. What are the names of your parents and siblings? 3. Does a wife have to obey her husband like she has to obey her parents, or is a marriage more about mutual decisions and understanding? 49. (Unless it he lives somewhere strict where he couldn't have a girlfriend, which is increasingly rare) I am not advocating having a girlfriend. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. Are you seeking a polygamous marriage? Do you believe in home-schooling your children? During the iddah period, would it be expected (for the husband) to move out, or the wife? 191. (poor, lower middle-class, middle-class, upper-middle class, high class). 15. Do you have any debts now? If not, why? Identify at least three. 32. 161. 187. 137. 54. Where you born and raised as a Muslim, converted to Islam, or do you practice another faith? Or will it be 100% upon your spouse and their ex? Would the need arise to have a family member live with you if that happened, and whom? 194. How will meals be prepared? What are you doing to try to quit? 4. Do you eat strictly zabiha, or do you eat food from “people of the book” and say bismillah? Is there anyone that you don’t have a good relationship with and why? 53. How do you feel about the religious aspect of violating the command of Allah, and do you share the same religious values and worldview presently? 28. Her sister's husband is not permanently forbidden to marry her, but only when her sister is his wife. Paying for company can be a way of avoiding the inconvenience of actually having a relationship. 181. 33. If you converted to Islam, when did you convert? If so where and how often? 126. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all of their grandparents? 35. Are you willing to have intervention via an Imam, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist if needed? Define mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. 17. Among these requirements are: 1. If you are male, do you permit your wife to work if she desires to? In principle it is permissible to conduct a nikah ceremony over the phone, as long as all necessary requirements are met. Consent given by the bride's guardian. Once a person has done something once, they may do it again. This is why it is not a good idea to let a nikah without an actual marriage hang for a long time, whether it is as an engagement or after marriage. If your spouse mistreat your family in a situation, how would you handle the situation? How long have you worked at current job? He must first make his firm decision on what he wishes to do, and whether he wants to marry you or not. 84. Would the spouse easily be able to find employment abroad? Do you currently own/rent a home? 41. 42. If so, why, and where, and would it be temporary, or permanent. Hazrat Ibn Abbas (RadhiAllahu Anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said O Messenger of Allah! 20. 26. Is this true, and can she stay at their home? 135. Do you have children now? Firstly a Muslim female shouldn't have male non-mahram friends. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize? He undertook Howza classes under esteemed scholars since 2013 and has been teaching at Imam Mahdi... , Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. What kind of assurance is there that such an individual has not turned into a promiscuous person, or maybe even a womaniser. We must always remember if we misuse any authority given to us, we will become oppressors and our punishment will be severe. With family? It's also why we need to preserve our dignity and keep a good reputation. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country? 192. Who will take ownership of the household furnishings? With friends? 132. If you were to divorce, Allah forbid, who would take custody of the children if you have any? Yes, interaction with the opposite gender at the workplace for example is permitted. What is the highest level of education you have achieved? Unfortunately some women fall into this and divulge intimate details of their spouses. A woman is in Nikah of a man but separated. Do you have friends from the opposite sex? If unemployed, how long have you been unemployed and why? In regard to discussing private sexual matters with her female friends, this should be avoided. I am a … Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... , Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. What if your spouse doesn’t follow the same dietary expectations about halal mentioned in the last question? 130. 71. Do you want to have children? 190. If not, explain why you would disagree on it. 164. 102. If so, how are you making progress to eliminate the debt? 138. Are you willing to do immigration for your spouse? How do you feel about the objectification of women involved in paying for services? Do you support the idea of utilizing baby-sitters and maids? 104. 14. Does your family know that you are talking to _______________ about marriage? A skin disease would not be something that impedes a person from getting married. Do you plan to quit? Do you believe that both the husband and wife should help in cooking? Why would God punish or restrict a woman due to her paternal lineage to only allow her to marry a certain group of men, whereas other Muslim women are allowed to marry any Muslim man? Do you pray them on time? What are the things that you do in your free time? Anything else that would be required legally, or Islamically. However... this may be a cause of "if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer." Do you celebrate birthdays of people or the Prophet PBUH? What are you expecting from your spouse financially? (Please, no angry emails!) Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally? 31. 61. 70. These two conditions are of utmost importance. Do you think there is a chance that you would need to move to another country at any point after marriage? Originally published on www.ifoundislam.net December 22, 2013, Copyright 2013 www.ifoundislam.net (our partner site), New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 1 of 2, New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 2 of 2, New Muslims (Section with many related articles for New Muslims), Joomla Templates & WordPress Themes - GavickPro, American Muslim – Freedom, Faith, Fear (BBC 3 Part Series), History of Muslims in America - 7 Part Series, Bible Corruption Series: Part 5 – Conflicting Gospels on the Empty Tomb & Ascension to Heaven, Read the Entire Quran in Ramadan - Juz Breakdown, Human Sacrifices & Cannibalism in Hinduism. What will your relationship with them be like after marriage? Can she seek Istikhara for her potential match without being divorced or having permission from her current husband? And if there are children? 178. If you already have children, who do they live with? Marriage Expectations: (11 Questions) 29. 199. 197. This is why both men and women must keep our chastity and be as righteous as we can, which means that we save ourselves for our spouse-to-be, and try to observe as much Jihad al-Nafs in avoiding pursuing our lusts until marriage time. 111. 150. 155. If you have children with your spouse, would you allow your spouse and children to visit their families back home without you traveling with them? 33. 196. 11. And why? How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage? And, how important this marriage is to you? Don’t gamble away your life and future with someone that intends to be deceptive with you from the get-go. Will your spouse be obligated to care (physically or financially) for the in-laws if they live with you? She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... , Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. How much time passes before you choose to forgive someone? Do you dress according to Islamic guidelines? 153. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible? 37. Is there anyone in your family that lives with you now? What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition? 44. Anyway, here are some things you could consider: (While some of the above is inherently critical, I do think it is good he is being honest about it rather than hiding things). No one will watch out for you better than yourself! 39. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage? 200. Is it allowed for a Shia Syeda to marry a Sunni man? Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances? 99. 189. Who would pay for the immigration procedure? What would you do if your parents do not approve of your choice for a spouse? It is very important for your respected wife to educate herself about the definition and rulings related to maḥram/non-maḥram cases. 154. 185. Testimony of Faith (Shahada) - How to Convert to Islam. He also obtained a PhD from... , Sheikh Mateen Joshua Charbonneau achieved a certificate from Harvard University in Islamic Studies. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a home? 60. Mahr having been agreed upon by both parties. Why is the father refusing? 133. Anyway I hope you can resolve your marital situation soon (or, rather, dissolve it, if that is your intent). We might say that this person has a bad past, and that he regrets it and is shameful of it, so why hold it against him. What is your financial responsibility in a marriage? If so, how much? If your spouse wanted to exercise regularly in a gym, would you permit it? Is it allowed for a married woman to discuss any details of her sex life with her husband with any female or male friends? © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2020. , Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. 186. As you know, the primary requirements for spouse selection is that the prospect spouse adheres to religious precepts and carries high moral standards. Where? If you got married, and your spouse’s family needed financial assistance would you be willing to help them if/when the need arises? 5. 167. 163. 101. If they don’t want to give you answers to some of the questions, or “neglect” to answer them, consider it a red flag to pay attention to. Or is it just that you're ready to get married and he happens to be around. 177. From a social and akhlaqi perspective, the groom has also obtained the blessings of his family. 144. 86. If not, why? 34. 30. What is the role of religion in your life – now? If a family conflict reaches an unresolvable solution, and either your family or your spouse gives you the ultimate that it is “you or them”, how would you resolve the matter? What can you offer your mate, spiritually? (partial or full support) Explain. What would happen if you divorced while living abroad? How were you disciplined as a child? We should strive to maintain our family relationships and not break them off. However I am sure there are others who will give more specific views. Do you pray any or all of your prayers in the masjid? What is the best method of disciplining children? I find in general people tend to re-enact the model they saw growing up and to some extent that which is culturally common around them. Do you give permission for your spouse and children to move back to your spouse’s country so that they can be with their families? If someone has wronged you, how do you want them to apologize to you? Or do you believe the man makes all the decisions even if the wife disagrees? Do you expect all decisions to be made as a couple, considering the other’s views? 116. Explain why/ why not in detail. Or only if you travel with them? 151. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of a different culture or race, what type of relationship do you want to have with them? (ex: certain types of jobs, or environments). 57. In Islam, a man cannot marry two sisters at one time, but this does not mean that the wife's sister becomes maḥram to the husband, nor does it mean that the sister's husband becomes maḥram to the wife's sister. 147. As for the istikharah turning out negative, what he can do is pay sadaqah, wait a while, see if circumstances have changed, see if he is decisive about his plans, and then either go ahead with marrying you or not. ً45. 136. Do you listen to music? Hobbies or Free Time Interests: (8 Questions). Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the new future. Will it be rented or owned? If so, what kind? How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you? No, it is not true that it is not allowed to marry a woman who has vitiligo. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused? What are you expecting of your spouse? I am interested in marrying a man who is pious and we are loyal and serious about each other. The answer to this is, yes, we should not hold something against someone who has changed their ways, but it is still a risk of to what extent can one rely on their past not affecting or not creeping up again. Do you exercise regularly? How do you interact with non-Muslims during their holidays? 105. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life? If so, how much? (poor, lower middle-class, middle-class, upper-middle class, high class), 141. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or not, how should the conflict be resolved? What are you doing to quit? We are so worried and are wondering if there is any way for us to get married? If you are coming from a conservative or cautious religious background (for instance, no dating), it might not be a good match. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand?
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